PoM Reflections – Middler Year

So, a little over a year ago, I wrote some reflections on the feedback I had received from my Profiles of Ministry assessment. You can access those thoughts with the Junior Year link in the sidebar to the right. This year, I am setting aside just a few minutes to examine those reflections and see if I’ve made any progress in the ways I had hoped I might.

Acknowledgment of limitations — This is still a difficult area for me and is one which I’m guessing will require a lifetime’s worth of attention and growth to make the kind of progress I’d like. Again, it’s not that I don’t recognize that I have limitations, it’s that I somehow don’t believe that those limitations are acceptable, so I construct my life in a way that pushes me to meet and exceed expectations as much as possible. There are some small ways in which I have improved on this. For example, at the beginning of this semester it became clear that I had taken on too much all at once, so I dropped a class so that I could effectively engage the rest of my life. And life in the St. Ann Community has further revealed some of limitations to me but has also helped me see that my weaknesses are complemented by others’ strengths. However, there are good days, and there are bad days. Earlier this week I had one of the bad days, in which my own limitations and sinfulness were all too clear, and I had a very difficult time owning them to others and asking for forgiveness and grace. Life in community will, I’m sure, continue to help me acknowledge and accept (though not be ruled by!) my limitations. Another way I hope to grow in this area is through focusing more on the good that God is doing in and through me in spite of (because of?) the weakness that is so prevalent. God is good!

Self-protecting behavior — This falls in the same vein as an acceptance of limitations; my inability to admit limitations leads me to act only in ways in which I am assured of success (or at least not massive failure). As a co-dependent member of a co-dependent family, this has been part of my life since I can remember. Change in this area of my life will require pushing myself to take risks, to do things I’m not sure I’ll succeed at. More than that, though, it will require a change in attitude towards myself so that I am able to accept more love and grace from others while especially extending them to myself.

Though I can’t indicate this in any tangible way, my own subjective assessment is that I have been somewhat successful in aligning my theologically oriented counseling and my perceptive counseling. At the very least, I am more aware of my thoughts and reactions to situations, and those seem more theologically oriented than they did a year ago.

I have not made much progress in refining my approach to the intersection of political leadership and church or kingdom work. I’d be very interested in evaluating my own understanding of the church-state relationship at some point, but I just have not had the time or mental energy required to give that the thought it deserves. I will say, though, that discussions I have had regarding issues of social justice and my experiences thus far with the St. Ann Community have led me at least a bit further into a conviction that, though I don’t at all believe theocracy is the answer, there are some important ways that political movement (especially as inspired by Christians) can further the kingdom in powerful, tangible ways.

Assertiveness — This has been a definite area of growth for me over the past year, though there is still far to go. I’ve learned that I’m more assertive for others’ needs than I am for my own, which is not really all that surprising. However, more secure relationships with friends, especially within the St. Ann Community, have allowed me to find my voice. Though I still sometimes hesitate, generally based upon my desire to not hurt feelings or impose on others, I am more confident in voicing my thoughts, desires and needs, and disagreements.