For our monthly Caregiver Support Group meeting here at ACU, we had the pleasure of hosting Dale Smith, a 92 year old caregiver. Dale’s journey into caregiving wasn’t just a role he undertook; it was a testament of love and dedication. For 12 years, he cared for his beloved wife, who battled dementia until she peacefully passed away, their love story, spanning 70 years. Dale shared his belief that caregiving is, without a doubt, the most beautiful experience. He emphasized how it not only brings love and value but also enriches one’s life in unexpected ways.
One of the most important moments of Dale’s talk was when he revealed the power of a simple five-word phrase: “Your loved one has dementia.” (or any other condition that requires caregiving). Those words have the potential to completely alter one’s perspective and approach to caregiving.
Dale gave us three tips (out of many) that he uses to help caregivers from all over.
1. Dump the Double Burden- He stresses the importance of not shouldering the blame or responsibility for their loved one’s condition, and to let go of the ‘if only…’ mindset. Don’t look back at past decisions in your life and wonder about the if only we had done this or that instead.
2. Caregivers Become the Guardians- Dale advocates for caregivers to become the guardians of what or who enters their loved one’s space, recognizing triggers and advocating for their well-being. Sometimes, hard conversations with loved ones must occur, in order to protect the person. It is important for them to understand that what the person is seeing/feeling has nothing to do with them.
3. Pre-experience the Difficult- Dale encourages caregivers to pre-experience the difficult moments by mentally preparing and seeking support from fellow caregivers. It is important for caregivers to “Be there!” and be intentional with their loved ones.
As Dale concluded his talk, his words echoed in our minds and hearts: “As you care for someone, realize that I am honored to get to do what I can to show care, so they can experience being cared for.”