Archive for ‘09 Character’

Though they’re easily accessible in the sidebar to the right, I’d like to call attention here to certain required artifacts for my senior review. Namely, I’m referring to the Wittenberg, 1934 case brief, my theology of ministry paper, and my revised ministerial identity paper.

I believe the Wittenberg case brief exhibits outcomes 2abd, 3bce, 4abcd, 5abe, 7abcd, 8cf and 9a. The theology of ministry paper mainly exhibits outcomes 4abc, 6abcef, 8abd, and 10abc. And the reflection on ministerial exhibits outcomes 8abcdef and 10abc. Further details on these assignments are found on the papers’ respective pages.

And in case you’re as much in need of a (rueful) laugh as I am…

In the fall of 2012, I enrolled in Dr. Sensing’s Homiletics class. Believe it or not, this was somewhat of a daring move for me to make. As a woman from the Churches of Christ tradition, I had heard for most of my life that I was not allowed to preach, not allowed to have a voice in the church. Though I no longer believed in or lived my life by that fallacious theological conclusion, the specter of it still haunted me.

You see, just a year before, when a funeral director saw me holding a Bible and asked if I’d be the one performing the service that day, my own family members had laughed out loud—right in front of me—at the preposterous idea that I, a woman, might be the preacher. And just a year before that, when I shared portions of my own narrative of my calling to ministry in a very public way, some responded with encouraging words, but others sharpened their linguistic barbs and aimed them directly at me and my fellow women ministers. But more than that, for my entire life I’d been silenced, simply because of my gender. And until I was in my mid-twenties (around the time I entered the GST) I’d not seen a woman preach or pray or lead a church, at least not while in the company of men. Not a single one.

These experiences haunted me. And my resulting inexperience at the homiletical task threatened me. I would be the only one in the class who’d never preached a sermon before. The only one who didn’t know what she was doing. The only one for whom all of this was intimidating—and not just because of its newness but because of the theological baggage that accompanied it. How in the world would I find my voice? And how in the world would I measure up? Besides that, how would I deal with the potential repercussions from my family if they found out what I was doing? Should I avoid the topic or come right out and talk about it? Needless to say, the class stirred up thoughts and feelings that most courses don’t.

Yet, intimidated as I was, I resolutely gave the class my all. I felt I owed it to myself, and not only to me but also to all women who’d been silenced in the church and not given this opportunity. And over the course of that semester I learned, at least in part, to preach. I was proud to do as well as I did in the class, and I’d like to share with you here some artifacts indicating my success. Below you’ll find a set of seven sermon sketches as well as manuscripts for the two sermons I preached in class. (I’d hoped to also include some audio files of me preaching the sermons, but the stomach bug, cold, and sinus infection I’ve had in two weeks leading up to my senior review have prevented that from happening. Alas.)

For many reasons, then, my participation in the homiletics course indicates greater competency in a wide range of MDiv outcomes. I was able to engage in spite of my own personal fears and limitations, showing a number of the qualities expected of MDiv graduates (outcomes 8abcd and 9abcd). And the content of the sermon sketches and the sermons themselves evidence my knowledge of the Christians scriptures (outcome 1abcd), my abilities to practice theology in contemporary contexts and lead the church as a minister (outcomes 4abcd and 6bcd), and my competency at written and especially oral communication (outcome 11abcd). Now, for your reading enjoyment:

Sermon Sketches

Christ in Us, the Sufficient One

Lament: Our Act of Faith

To be sure, there’s still room for improvement in my preaching, and I’ve received some good feedback from Dr. Sensing and my classmates to help with that. You know, I still don’t foresee myself becoming a highly skilled full-time preacher anytime soon (or ever, really, given my church background and my current ecclesiology). But I know now that I at least can preach. This experience has shown me that I am capable.

This experience has helped me jump the biggest hurdle of all: finding my own voice. And I’m not the only one who’s found my voice. Whether she wants it or not, so has the church. God grant that she may find the voices of many other daughters.

Though they’re accessible on the sidebar to the right, I wanted to particularly point out my reflections on formational goals and Profiles of Ministry feedback as indicators of outcome 9ab, which read as follows:

a) demonstrates healthy awareness of one’s personality, behavior patterns, level of interpersonal effectiveness, and patterns of response to anxiety and conflict
b) takes honest responsibility for one’s actions, habits, and growth, applying effective strategies for achieving ongoing ministerial growth

That is exactly what I believe these reflections (and my further action because of them) do.

Though I did not dedicate as much time and thought to reflecting on these goals as I have in previous years, I do believe my reflections are still an accurate representation of what is going on. It was particularly interesting for me to look back at prior years’ goals and reflections to see what has remained the same and what has changed. Though not all changes may be outwardly noticeable, I do believe I have changed for the better over the course of my nearly four years in the GST, and I am thankful to be able to track that growth through these reflections.

In the course of the past two years, my own experiences of personal growth and formation have made it clear that I have quite a passion for healthy spiritual formation and growth in both individuals and communities. Though this passion has been present throughout much of my life, it has particularly flourished in recent years. I have been challenged to think deeply and theologically about spiritual formation. I have pursued personal spiritual formation within a number of communities: the GST, MRNA, and the St. Ann Community especially. I have experienced the ups and downs of communal spiritual formation, primarily within the St. Ann Community. I have even coached, counseled, and mentored family, friends and—as my later post on the MLI endeavor will detail further—undergraduate students in spiritually formative ways.

My experiences in Christian community thus far have continually reinforced for me the momentous importance of purposeful, attentive individual and communal spiritual formation. I have been a part of communities that have thrived and communities that have struggled greatly, with the health of the community consistently being a reflection of the presence or absence of deep, intentional spiritual formation. Issues of identity and purpose and relationship emerge as either exciting opportunities or intimidating, overwhelming threats.  I have found that, at least within a Christian environment, an individual’s or a community’s attitude toward and interpretation of such issues rests largely on the kind of spiritual formation that is happening or not happening.

The artifacts that I have included below exhibit my developing thoughts on the importance of spiritual formation. First are three short monthly reflections on the beginnings of my time in MRNA. These reflections—meant to be descriptive and anecdotal rather than academic—demonstrate some of my own initial hesitations and frustrations with formation in the MRNA community as well as my growth in understanding of what spiritual formation looks like in my own life. For that reason, I believe these documents indicate maturation in outcomes 8abcdef and 9abcd.

MRNA Reflection — September
MRNA Reflection — October
MRNA Reflection — November

To give a little more substance to my own evolving perspectives on spiritual formation, I have also included below some assignments from Dr. Wray’s Christian Spiritual Formation class, which I was a part of in the fall of 2011, at which time I was also beginning MRNA and first entering the residential phase of life in the St. Ann Community. Given the parameters of the assignments, the “community in spiritual formation” document indicates something of my own context for and experience of community spiritual formation, and the “way of life” is a reflection of my own personal formational commitments, conveyed in poetic form. These documents articulate my beliefs about individual and communal spiritual formation in a more focused and more overtly theological way. For those reasons I believe that they too are good indicators of progress toward outcome 8abcdef. Furthermore, the passion for spiritual formation that they reflect—though admittedly only to a small degree in comparison with the ways my life in general reflects this passion—is an indicator of increased focus in ministerial identity, outcome 10abc. And finally, I believe my writing shows strength in the communicative goals of outcome 11abcd.

Theology of Christian Spiritual Formation
Community in Spiritual Formation
Way of Life

As I continue to move forward in life and in ministry, I plan to pursue further growth and refinement regarding spiritual formation, both on a personal level and as a way of being faithful to the calling it seems God has placed on me. Such growth will be nearly inevitable in the midst of the challenges of daily life, relationships, and Christian community. I also hope, however, to develop greater maturity in and a deeper understanding of spiritual formation through further academic study and through experience serving as a spiritually formative presence in the lives of God’s people. Mostly, though, I hope to learn how to more faithfully point people back to the Artist who is the most formative presence of all in their lives.

Though they’re accessible on the sidebar to the right, I wanted to particularly point out my reflections on formational goals and Profiles of Ministry feedback as indicators of outcome 9ab, which read as follows:

a) demonstrates healthy awareness of one’s personality, behavior patterns, level of interpersonal effectiveness, and patterns of response to anxiety and conflict
b) takes honest responsibility for one’s actions, habits, and growth, applying effective strategies for achieving ongoing ministerial growth

That is exactly what I believe these reflections (and my further action because of them) do.

Though the process of writing out the reflections (for the formational goals especially) seemed somewhat imposed and tedious before I began, once I got into the process, I was able to see how truly helpful it was for me as I reassessed my progress in my academic program and my ministry. Where my thoughts were previously somewhat nebulous, this has given me a bit more concrete to base my future thoughts and actions on. I plan to return to these goals periodically to revise them or examine my progress toward them.

If you click on the picture below, you will be able to access my spiritual autobiography, which I wrote for Dr. Wray’s spiritual formation class. As the document is 19 pages long, I will forgo the typical practice of posting the text here as well.

This spiritual autobiography is intended to demonstrate MDiv outcomes 8abcd, 9ab, and 10ab, which deal largely with spiritual formation, ministerial identity, and discipleship.

While writing the autobiography required a large investment of time, it was a particularly enjoyable and worthwhile investment. It was a blessing to be allowed (even assigned!) to spend time in reflection on how God has moved in and around me throughout my lifetime, and I savored every moment of the writing process.

As you read my story, you will see how I have discerned my own spiritual formation, how I have wrestled with and finally embraced my identity as a minister, how I have welcomed opportunities for growth and further formation (both individually and as part of faith communities).

In the few months since writing this autobiography, I have continued to reflect on my formation throughout life, recognizing both ways in which I have grown and ways in which I need to continue to grow. For example (though this could take up a whole post of its own), I have come to the realization that I am a codependent person who was raised in a family full of codependent people. As you can imagine, there is a lot of damage there that must be undone for me to have a healthy understanding of life. And I have been purposefully trying to address that issue by practicing assertiveness and healthy conflict with family and friends, among other things.

But perhaps all that is leading us too far astray from the topic at hand. So, for now I’ll just leave you with the pages of my spiritual autobiography…

Spiritual Autobiography

God has been doing some amazing things in the past few weeks! To save myself the trouble of spelling it all out here, I’ve included the timeline that you have a link to below. Click on it for an outline of what I and a group of friends and fellow ministers been up to. Unfortunately, this bare bones outline (started after the fact, even) is all we’ve got so far when it comes to telling about what’s been happening, but it’s better than nothing. What you really need to do, though, is sit down with Josh Kirby and have him narrate it. He’s an amazing storyteller!

Timeline

Now that you’ve had a chance to get the basic idea of what we’ve been up to, here’s a chance to orient yourself a bit to the facilities we’re currently looking at and praying about. Here are some photos that I’ve taken around St. Ann’s. And click on the link or the photo below of St. Ann’s (and the illustrious Kent Smith) to watch the ten-minute “Sights and Sounds” video that I put together for Dr. Johnson’s Contexts of Ministry class.

Of course, as you can tell, this endeavor is still in its beginning stages. God has given us a dream, a dream which we believe is God’s dream for this group, for this building, and especially for this community. It’s a dream of restoration of people and things to their intended beauty and function. It’s a dream of holy and purposeful covenant community. It’s a dream of community development, not just in economic resources but in relationships. It’s a dream of reminding people that they are allowed to dream. It’s a dream of reconciliation, a dream of wholeness and unity, a dream of harmony, peace, and joy. It’s a big dream. But that’s why it’s important to us to remember that it’s God’s dream, not our own. And God’s definitely been the one in charge of leading us this far. We take no credit for that ourselves. In fact, we know that, more often than not, we’re struggling just to stay caught up and not get in the way of the awe-inspiring things that God is doing.

Again, it’s difficult for me to take something of such great beauty and attempt to analyze it, especially when it’s something that is so obviously not of my own doing. Still, even if I can’t take much of the credit myself, this whole adventure does demonstrate developing maturity in my identity as a minister. In fact, because it incorporates so many different aspects of my life, it seems to demonstrate some growth towards a great number of the expected outcomes of the MDiv program. Here I’ll talk just a bit about Outcomes 3ace, 4acd, 6abcfg, 8abcde, 9abcd, and 10abc.

One of the most immediate aspects of the dream for St. Ann’s is that of a covenantal monastic community of sorts. Our group hopes to renovate the two-story section of St. Ann’s first and live there under the rule of life that we are even now beginning to formulate. We are preparing ourselves through prayer, through individual and communal discernment, through relationship building, and in various other ways for the challenges and blessings that will come with living together in such an intense community. These kinds of practices which we’re involved in as a group now (and plan to continue to be involved in) are a demonstration of the Christian spiritual disciplines (8abcde), a challenge in developing Christian character (9abcd), and mutual collaboration to lead our group forward in discerning and following God’s call (6abcfg). The experience thus far has also been one which has confirmed and intensified my own clarity in my personal ministerial identity, allowing me to more fully explore my talents and desires in ministry and see  how they line up with the mission which God has set before our group (10abc).

At the same time, we are not wanting this vision to be limited to just our group. We are planning to form strong, meaningful relationships with our neighbors from the College Heights community. One of our greatest desires is to live out the gospel among our newfound friends in such a way that they will be attracted to our God. We are also greatly looking forward to the ways in which we will encounter God already at work among the people we meet, for God is surely there among them in powerful ways already! This vision that God has planted within us and that God is drawing us to is one in which the Christian faith and theology are in dialogue with this local cultural context, with each making the others stronger and more purposeful in the kingdom of God (3ace, 4acd).

I have been continually amazed over these past few weeks by what God has been doing. It is a blessing to be a part of this process and to humbly follow and take part in the process as God is at work to reach the world with the good news of redemption and restoration. Redemption and restoration. Of buildings. Of neighborhoods. Of people. Of relationships. Of community. Of families, both physical and spiritual. Of all people and all things towards God. All to the praise of God’s glorious grace!

The first draft of my reflection on ministerial identity, finished in November of 2009 as an assignment for Jeff Childers’ Foundations of Theology of Ministry class is an example of progress towards outcomes 8abc, 9a, and 10abc.

As you will see when reading the reflections, there is a great deal of uncertainty present about what my ministerial identity is. I feel as though God has gifted me in many ways and has presented me with a number of viable options and opportunities. That is what makes understanding who I am and where I want to go so much more difficult. This paper is, however, an attempt—and a successful one, I think—to begin to express in words who God has created me to be and what God is calling me to. This kind of focused exploration into my identity as a person and as a minister of the gospel of Christ is just what I believe is required for my own personal and vocational growth. In this assignment I am able to meditate on how God has led me to the point that I am at, how my life is a reflection of who God is, what God is asking of me, and how that call on my life correlates to the mission of God in the world through Christ and the church (8bc, 9a, 10ac). And although it cannot be completely summarized in words of any sort and must also be made evident in my everyday actions, my commitment to living out what I discover to be God’s call for me is also indicated in these pages (8a, 10b).

Writing this reflection on ministerial identity has been one of the most fulfilling assignments from my graduate education so far. Because I am already such a self-reflective person, it was not so much a challenge for me as it was an opportunity. It was an open invitation to explore and lay out—somewhat systematically and hopefully somewhat articulately as well—the many thoughts which had been swimming around in my head for years. It also focused my attention on attempting to discern some direction from the ambiguity.

Over the few months which have passed since I wrote this initial draft, God has continued to mold me and shape me. God’s definite guidance has been evident in my life and has led me to a point where this reflection on ministerial identity needs some revising. I hope to be able to take on that task at some point in the not-too-far future.

Ministerial Identity

And click the image below for a short (one-song) musical soundtrack to go along with your reading. Enjoy!